“teenagers don’t talk to anyone”

I’ve heard it said a lot that teenagers don’t talk to their parents.  What makes me said is that it’s usually said in jest, as in, “ha ha, it’s so hilarious how we are dysfunctional.”  Whut.

There are ways that teenagers communicate even if they aren’t doing it directly.  You can get to know someone by observing how they exercise their influence and spend their resources.  Teenagers naturally broadcast their interests just by what they wear, how they style themselves, how they talk, how they act.  The reason for this is to attract people with similar interests and to repel those with differing tastes.  Watch for the non-verbal cues, and you can get to know the person.  You can tell what’s important to them just be seeing what they do.

Some things to consider when observing:

• What do they argue about?

This is a clear indicator of what they think is important or unfair.  Instead of focusing on their disagreement, observe which principles they hold onto.  You can tell what they feel is important based on how much they hold their ground.

• What do they like (praise) and hate (complain about)?

I think it’s easy for parents to ignore complaints about things that are “normal” or that should be hard.  It’s common, though, to have certain things be the straw on the camel’s back.  Think of situations where you were frustrated by something else, and then something *small* just tips you over the edge and makes you angry.  It’s not that small thing that is a real bother, but something underneath.  Listening to a complaint can be a start to knowing what’s really going on.

• Do they have unique eating habits?

Maybe they are vegetarian because they think animal rights is important.  It’s easy for adults to dismiss teenager’s opinions, roll their eyes, or just say, “well that’s dumb.”  It would be so simple though to just say that you noticed a difference, and ask if they feel a certain way about things.  Learning someone’s preferences is a quick way to build a relationship.  In our own lives, friendships commonly begin with similar interests, and build from there.

• What kind of TV shows or movies do they like?  What about video games?  What books do they like to read?

In some cases it could simply be “what everyone else is into.”  And that’s fine.  But again, if there’s something unique, then you’ve found something that they are into by themselves.

• Where do they work?
• Where do they like to hang out?
• What do they do with their free time?  Their money?
• What kind of friends do they hang out with?
• What kind of music do they listen to?
• Which classes are they doing well in and which ones are they not?
• What kind of clothes do they wear?

In each case, a distinct preference denotes individuality.

As you narrow down a teenager’s behavior from generic (loud music, preening, spending time with friends) to specific (likes rap, likes to work out a lot, hangs with the same group every weekend) that is where you start to discover their personality.

the first date

I do volunteer work with the youth ministry at a local church here in Salt Lake, and this last weekend they had a talent show / fundraiser for a member. When I first heard about the talent show, I thought to myself, “I have *got* to write a poem.” So, I did. It’s all about this poor guy that goes on his first date, and how everything goes.

My first date was pretty bad, too, and some of the things that happen here to Jacob happened to me as well. We went to go see a movie — Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, I kid you not — and I really did fall asleep. Ah, but I’m giving parts of it away already.

Enjoy.

thoughts on blogs and listening

I was just writing someone about this, how it is so hard to find blogs out there that talk about how to *really* work with teenagers. I’m not going to lie and say that I started this one because of some crusade about how there should be more out there … the reality was that it was a common theme on my own blog and I thought, “meh, I should probably put these somewhere as I keep writing about this.” Plus, I’ve been looking for blogs, articles, whatever for months before writing about it myself. So I’m usually more about looking than putting content out there.

There seems to be such a lack of taking teenagers seriously for some reason, on any blogs I can ever find. And a lot of stuff that I read about working with them tends to either go in one of two directions — trying to deceive them by being full of sugary goodness but really being out on recon, or just being so over-the-top, as in Miss America Apple Pie visits Happy Cookie Land. Oy. I realize I’m taking a pessimistic view, but there’s just not anything out there that talks about situations where you get in the trenches with people, talking about the actual issues that they are going through. I’m not necessarily looking for drama, and true grit or anything like that — just simple honesty, and no glitter.

Speaking of which, and I have to throw this in here somewhere, there is one blog that I totally love reading — danah boyd’s apophenia. Everytime she writes about perspectives on teenagers, it just blows my mind. So if you’re looking for some good stuff too, there’s some of it. If you know more, send it my way, too.

When I’m working with people, I get myself opened up, whether I like it or not. Not that I’m doing reverse therapy or anything like that, where I’m trying to project my problems on them or anything. It’s just that I don’t try to hold the perspective that life is rough — that adults, just like teenagers and everyone else, have their lives damaged and their feelings hurt. When you care about people so much, whenever they hit rough times, it just tears your heart out. As nice as cookies are, they’re not going to soothe those kinds of wounds. It’s like you learn caring by suffering, by exhausting yourself, and really stepping in the ring and trying to get a real sense of what’s going on. And it can hurt. It hurts for other people, and so it shouldn’t really come as a surprise when their issues cause me some grief as well.

I have no idea where I was going with that one. I did write a poem about it though (I love writing poetry). I think empathy comes easy for me sometimes, maybe too well. I can really relate to what teenagers go through, for whatever reason. Partly because of my own experiences, and partly because I’m so sympathetic to their plight. I’ve said it before, but my stance is pretty much that it seems like teenagers get ignored constantly.

Ever since I was young, I saw how adults were amused with the ideas that youth had in general, and people for the most part don’t take them seriously. And it’s those people who did talk to them, not necessarily getting on their level, but just listening that made a real difference. You don’t have to try and be “fun” or “cool.” Like everyone always says, just be yourself. Of course, I think if you have to tell yourself that, then you’re already not doing it anyway.

Speaking of listening, I noticed something really peculiar with my approach the other day. I was talking to someone, and as is often the case, whenever I’m asked for my input, I won’t shut up. In fact, I’ve noticed I get into this kind of zen state where everything around me collapses and everyone in the room is just floating in a garden of awesome enlightenment with the words that come out of my mouth. Well, maybe not that extreme, but I really do get some kind of a physical tunnel-vision going, where my mind is just moving so fast that all unnecessary data, like where the closest stash of nachos is, just gets completely ignored. More than ignored though, it’s like it just stops existing. Very strange.

Anyway, I was thinking about it later, and I realized that while I was in my heightened state of self-awareness, that the more I did that, the less I realized I was paying attention to the other person, and my cues that I normally watch for that help me focus on what they are saying is largely ignored as well.

I thought about it for a while, and what really bothered me is that I didn’t even notice the reactions to my commentary. At the time where it’s most critical — communicating information — I wasn’t even paying attention to how well it was being received. I was like Mr. Soapbox Man in all my washy wonder. I realized I don’t like that at all. And I came to the conclusion that it’s more important to listen than to lecture. Someone is not going to go away and say, “Wow, Steve gives such great lectures!” but they will remember, “Man, I’ve never felt like someone listened to me so much and felt like they cared about me.” Especially if my own experience is any indication. Again, I don’t remember the advice that was ever given me growing up, but I do recall the moments when I felt like I could comfortably open up and discuss things, without fear of ridicule or embarrasment. I’d like to develop that same skill in myself.

steve’s rules for counseling

I drew up this list the other day, as I was thinking about the principles I try to apply when working with people. I actually ran this buy a teenager, too, who said that it was “very cool.” So there.

As is when posting anything that covers the area of ideals, I hope I don’t sound like some snooty hoo-fo-froo. To me, these are just important ideals that I try my best to apply, and that’s it. I’m not making myself out to be some awesomer-than-thou poop tart.

Here we go:

• I will never argue with someone’s feelings. I can criticize reasoning and challenge expectations and decisions when invited to.
• Actions are signals of someone’s feelings. It’s acceptable to express emotions.
• I will respect other people’s decisions, opinions and schools of thought.
• I will warn people of consequences that could come from their decisions.
• I will not belittle people’s problems or situations. They are real to them.
• I will listen carefully and verify with the person that I understand what they are trying to say.
• I will tailor my approach to each individual, and not resort to a fixed set of methods if they are ineffective.
• I will invite the person to share things they are comfortable with and encourage them to share things that they feel uncomfortable discussing and have expressed a desire to share.
• I will never divulge personal details to anyone the person would not want me to.
• I promise to continue to expand my knowledge, obtain new perspectives, and improve my methods the best that I can.
• I will be honest with people, and plainly state when I don’t know something instead of trying to appeal to my vanity.
• I will ask for time to consider and prepare a response when necessary.
• I will invite others to criticize my methods so I can improve.
• I will warn people when I have a thought or suggestion that they would not like or makes them feel defensive.
• I will not try to manipulate someone’s emotions, or try to use their words against them.
• I will respect people’s boundaries.
• I will not attempt to create a dependent relationship with me.

adults are boring

I have often lamented in life that most adults are boring, pure and simple. What I’m realizing as I grow older (biologically, at least) is that adults have innate perspectives that just come naturally from constantly shouldering responsibility. In working with youth, I have been lucky enough to catch myself when I realize some of the bad habits that adults use.

A great example is that the other day, I was out with Kevin and I mentioned to him how I totally had a brain fart. I had driven to the grocery store, happened to forget my wallet at home, had to drive home and then back to the store to pick something up. After telling my story, Kevin, in turn, started telling about how he got stuck at work one time because he forgot his bus pass. In true adult fashion, I thought about it for a second, and my first response was, “so how did you get home?”

The second I said that, it dawned on me that adults are boring. My immediate reaction was to examine the logistics of solving the problem instead of enjoying the story for the humorous life experience. I’ll admit I felt slightly deflated that I would do that. I realized, though, that I was asking that because in my adult mind, problems like that are commonplace — achieving objectives as efficiently as possible. A teenager would approach the problem from a totally different perspective than an adult would, and while there’s nothing strange about that, it shows off my character a bit that I was interested in the details of the experience more than Kevin’s viewpoint and how he felt about the whole thing.

Another thing that I have noticed recently is that I absolutely *freak out* when teenagers start talking to me about things they want to do, because I see them as long-term decisions that they are jumping into. The reality is often that, for them, it is either just a short-term decision or some options they are exploring in their head.

I’ll use Kevin as an example again (poor kid … he sure gets the brunt of my learning experiences). One time he told me that he wanted to work at a fast food joint. My adult brain quickly translated this to mean, “I’m considering an exciting life-long career in becoming a hamburger whisperer.” I remember that I was so shell-shocked that my brain locked up and I started staring off into space. I felt myself going into insta-lecture mode, which, I knew, would not be the best course of action. After a few seconds I realized I hadn’t said anything, and I just kind of mumbled an inquisitive “Okay …”. Internally my mind was racing and wondering how in the world I can immediately reverse this dangerous line of thought.

The reality was much different from my hastily-constructed vision. He wanted to find somewhere close to work to his house so that his mom didn’t have to drive him there. My crazy adult instincts, though, just jumped to the worst-case scenario and prepared myself to drop a bomb of logic and a long talk on the glamour of working with fattening foods as a lifestyle.

I believe responding with a lecture after someone tells you what they think is not good, because it’s not creating an environment where they feel like they can talk to you. The best thing to do, I’ve found, is to listen to them and not offer feedback until it’s requested — and even then, be moderate and say things like, “have you considered … ?” It’s incredibly hard to hold my tongue sometimes, especially when I think someone could be cruising straight down Dead End Alley.

One principle that I try to adhere too is that if I feel so strongly about something that I think is important, then it’s going to take time to craft a proper response. Flipping out is not going to help, because my initial reaction is going to be emotionally charged.

When it comes to responsibilities, I’ve always thought that adults always focus too much on how important they are. What I have noticed in my life is that while they *are* important, they are not *everything*.

Too often I completely ignore the simple things in life that make it worth living. Things like pursuing dreams, making close friends, enjoying autonomy and having a purpose in life. Adults seem intent to make youth realize the effects of their life decisions in the major areas, but totally ignore the secondary ones. And naturally, I forget those things as well. Frankly, the last thing I want to be is boring by focusing only on a few of the big things.

I found this great book recently, titled “Befriending Your Teenager.” I rolled my eyes when I saw the cover, because I was like, “Oh my froof, this sounds like some pootsie pants who thinks if you give them a hug and a smile, they will come to you asking for apple pie or something.” It turns out that the author has been a youth pastor for years, and that this is the most awesome book I’ve read yet. I think a better title is in order though … something like, “This Is Why Teenagers Think Adults Suck.” Maybe I’ll write a book like that some day.

There is an excerpt that I want to quote verbatim, because it is exactly how I have always perceived things when I was a teenager:

“As adults we often appear to have failed at happiness. We walk through our lives with a shroud of stress over our shoulders, talking to one another as if the goal of life was to stay busy and serious. We wag a finger in the faces of adolescents, telling them of the perils of the real world. We seldom talk to teenagers of anything but grades, drugs, sex, SAT scores, and how the human condition and world are deteriorating at an alarming rate. Oh, sure, we try to compensate with an occasional pep talk about how these youths are the hope of the future, or how they can be anything they want to be, but both adolescents and adults fail to believe this tired little speech.

Today’s teenager probably does not need to hear any wornout pep talk or any cliche that simplifies the staggering complexity of modern living. What today’s teenager needs is to know that becoming an adult is not some bland, bleak experience of boredom, intermittently interrupted by storms of grief or showers of joy. Is it any wonder so many youth question the value of life when we adults make adulthood a rat race, an endurance test of back-breaking, heart-breaking, spirit-breaking difficulty? Think about it. When was the last time your teenager, or the youth you work with and care about, saw *you* really laugh, really look happy? I have come to realize that I owe it to these young people to share openly my happiness; more importantly, the greatest gift I can give them is a happier me. If we want them to choose life, which I know we deeply do, we must make adulthood–the bulk of every lifetime–more appealing, much happier. We do not need to hide our struggles from them, but we do need to let them see our joy, our delight in being alive.”

What I got from reading this was basically, it’s okay to let teenagers see that I have emotions too, that I struggle with things as well, and that my emotions are the same ones that they have. Then for me to share those experiences with them — not putting the burdens on them to help me solve them, but rather let them know that life continues to be both challenging and rewarding … just in different ways.

The idea of sharing my feelings about how things were going in *my* life never occurred to me at all before reading this book. My general attitude has been, “I am here to teach you and ask you how you are doing, and focus on your problems. My life is totally perfect, so I am in a great position here to make this a one-way relationship.” I think, though, that as youth see me as a human, that they will be both impressed that an adult would open up to them, and also see that it’s possible to trust someone with your emotions.

I can say that it is really hard to apply these principles in working with youth. It’s hard to know what the best approach is all the time, and it’s a real struggle for me as I search to find some good methods that bring positive results. Anytime that I come up against some advice like this, though, that is counterintuitive to how adults naturally approach things … that’s when I think I must really be onto a good idea.

not listening

I noticed something terrible about myself recently. I’m not always a good listener. Actually, now that I think about it … make that two things — I’m acting like an adult. Oh noes! Abort! Quick, look at lolcats! Watch cartoons!

I think I might be safe, actually. I’m eating Life cereal for dinner at 11p.m., spent most of my day at work drawing Christmas cards, then in the evening I was making dumb jokes with my little brother while we walked to the gas station to buy soda and Cheetos. There’s hope for me yet.

However, I have honestly noticed that there have been a few times recently, where my default mode has switched from listening to “Oh, since you’re talking to me, you must want my manly, adultly advice on everything.” Which really sucks. Because when someone confuses listening with asking for input, things are just going to go all sorts of wrong.

Listening takes work. Not because it’s hard, but because I have to be self-aware of how I’m talking. Essentially, it is real-time meta-talk analysis. Or, it can be, if I’m trying really, really hard to watch how I am paying attention.

I have noticed one thing that works for me, though. If I can just *realize* that someone is talking to me, and just wants me to listen, then I can kind of switch into this mode where I actually can do that, and politely extend an offer of giving feedback first. It’s a cognitive attitude shift. No watching myself with every single sentence, but just changing my mindset and then applying those principles of good communication.

The skills have to be already learned, though, and I’ve actually been working on that. I like that it doesn’t take a huge deal of effort to get into that mode, it just takes me having to notice that either the other person wants me to, or it’s a good idea to do it.

I read or heard this great quote the other day, or maybe I made it up, I don’t know. I don’t think I did, though. But it was “teenagers will gravitate to whoever takes them seriously.” If my life has been any indication, that is so true.

One thing I’ve noticed is that people love to talk about themselves. If you can get them talking about that subject, they likely won’t shut up. Which, if you’re trying to help out someone, that’s actually a good thing, since you want their perspective on stuff.

The trick is that your interest has to be genuine. Teenagers can smell someone being presumptuous like a donkey on waffle day. If your interest isn’t genuine to start with, then you’re heading down the wrong paths already.

So, my rude awakening of late has been that I don’t listen, naturally, all the time. In reviewing conversations from the past week, I’ve noticed that when some people are trying to collude with me, instead of saying “wow, that would [suck|be awesome|make me want to eat pez],” instead I jump into something like, “yah, you don’t wanna [do that|go there|drink mouthwash].” I’ve realized, with some horror as noted, that this is kind of just an adult instinct. And frankly, that drives me crazy. Not because it means an adult (something I’m struggling to accept anyway, because adults = boring), but that there is a natural drift that I was unaware of, that if unchecked, is only going to hamper my ability to serve. The whole thing has kind of put me on guard, wanting to review the past a bit more and see where else I could be putting people off when they are trying to open up.

To be honest, it’s hard. Imma keep watching out though.

some ideas

I wrote this opinion paper for my psychology class earlier in the semester. When I did it, I sat down and basically ranted in one quick session what I thought about stuff. I didn’t bother to save a copy of it at the time, because I kind of just banged it out.

I got my paper back today though from the professor, and reading over it, I kind of liked it. It could stand some editing and cleanup, but I think the message itself is worth something. So I decided I’d post it up here, and just share some of my ideas I have about working with teens.

Here you go:

In working with teenagers I find that many of them at times have a hesitancy to open up and discuss their thoughts and feelings with mentors, adults or parents. I believe that in order for a teenager to be able to discuss things, some elements need to be in place. First, the teen must be willing to talk about something. Generally, if something is weighing on their mind, they are more open to the idea of discussing it. Also, it is very important for the mentors involved to be able and willing to talk candidly with the teen. There needs to be a willingness to listen, to listen closely, and to verify that they are getting the correct message. Communication can be difficult for teens, as they are developing new sets of social skills. It can be hard for them to identify their own emotional sensations, and so a close listener can be of vital importance.

As my personal style of working with teenagers evolves, I’ve found two analogies recently that have helped me to explain how you can facilitate communication. For the first one, I will use a scenario from my own life. When I was a teenager, there were a lot of good people that were willing to work with the youth from my church group. I would often spend time at their house, either because of activities or an impartial visit. In retrospect, I can see that these mentors were willing to discuss with me any agenda that was on my mind at the time. It seemed like I had to start the conversation though, which is something I was never comfortable with, and so I never got to really talk about things that were on my mind. An analogy I likened this to was spending time at someone else’s house. You got hungry, and asked if you could eat something. The host would be gracious, and would generally wave their hand towards the kitchen and warmly say, “Go ahead and eat anything you like.” I would go to the fridge, and opening it up, see lots of stuff that I would have liked to eat. Cake, cookies, soda, ice cream, pizza, etc. However, I would not want to be a poor guest, so I would choose something “safe,” like bread and cheese to make a sandwich. Even though the host probably intended that I could eat some of the more fun stuff, because they didn’t make that particularly clear, it was left to my judgement what was appropriate to eat and what was not, and I would err on the side of caution.

The same approach can happen with communication with adolescents. Well-intentioned mentors and adults will say to teenagers, “You can talk to me about anything,” then leaving it up to the teen to figure out what is safe and appropriate to bring up. Using my analogy of the kitchen, if a host would have said something like this, then I would have felt much more comfortable: “The kitchen is over there, please go eat anything you like. I know there is cake, pizza, and pie in there … please, feel free to help yourself and not to worry about it.” That invitation specifically addresses the areas that the teenager is probably most interested in, and instead of making the subjects taboo, lays them on the table for open discussion and acceptance.

It works in communication, as well. In chatting with adolescents, I will say, “We can talk about anything you’d like. I know teenagers are curious about a lot of things, such as sex, friends, school, the opposite sex, dating, social development, what they want to do with their life, maybe drugs, alcohol, or simpler things like music. We can even chat about stuff you’d like to tell your parents but aren’t sure how to bring up. It’s all fine with me, and I’d be happy to chat with you about anything that’s on your mind.” I’ve noticed that in doing that, that the teens will then relax quite a bit. They may not be willing to open up at that moment, but having put out the menu on display and calling them out on things that they themselves want to talk about, it lets them know that I’m willing to discuss it with them, and they don’t have to bring it up or feel awkward. It works well in creating a comfortable atmosphere.

Along those same lines, one thing that works well is to bring up the subjects myself. If it is something taboo, you can bring up questions yourself that they might have, and then simply ask them if they’ve ever wondered about that, or have had friends talk to them about it. This brings me to my second analogy. Once a topic has been selected to discuss, I like to do what I call setting the stage. The analogy is that I, as a mentor, will be a stagehand. I can dress the stage with the props, the backgrounds, and the lighting, but the teenager him or herself is going to be the main actor.

Setting the stage means bringing out as much information as you can possibly think of, without being presumptious or over-bearing. You can think back to your own life as a teenager and remember the things that you wondered about a lot, and start telling them how you imagine they might have heard or wondered things about that, and how it felt for you at that time. If it’s a difficult subject to work with, then the teenager might not do more than nod or agree with you. Getting teenagers to go into detail can be hard work, but it’s important not to press the issue. They need to come on stage when they are ready, and not before.

In my experience, and in asking follow-up questions with the teenagers I’ve been working with, they have said that it makes them feel much more comfortable and much less awkward if I am the one who broaches the subjects. They then like if I deliver as much as I know or think about the subject, and let them ask questions about specific things, letting me fill in the gaps with the answers I have or the ones I will have to look for.

I’d like to stress that it’s important to make sure there is a distinct difference between passing along objective information and delivering a lecture where your opinion on their situation and decisions should be based. I believe that as you provide them with the answers to the questions they have, and encourage them to make their own decisions, they will come to trust you and be able to talk to you about the hard questions they have.

Finally, as being a mentor, I have to tell myself often that just because someone doesn’t ask me all the things that I think they would like to approach, does not mean that I have failed in some fashion. From my own life, I have had mentors that were excellent with their communication skills where I could confide and ask them confidential questionsl. I didn’t exercise the opportunity much to open myself up, but the knowledge that someone was available and willing to explore the issues with me was far greater worth than the actual question and answer sessions themselves.

working with teenagers

Even before I started going back to school and focusing on psychology, I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do with my life: working with people who had general life problems. But as I focus that even tighter, I realize that I’ve always wanted to work with teenagers. Why is that? The more I study psychology, the more I realize how fascinating the adolescent development stage is.

There are so many questions that I have, that I have to wonder how it is people deal with it. I’ll admit that part of the reason for my quest is to find answers that I myself, still struggle with. I think in a lot of ways I’ve always had a mental capacity of someone twenty years older than me. I’m not claiming a high intelligence or anything like that, rather that my mind was always churning out so many possibilities and trying to understand societal factors at a really young age. As an example, in my introductory sociology class, I find myself constantly getting frustrated at the material presented, because I understood this stuff when I was about ten years old. I just “got it” really early on. It makes me a little upset when doing the coursework, because I keep looking for deeper answers and insight to the issues, but this class is only going to be able to go into the basics, just because of it’s broad academic goal.

Anyway, the reason for all of that is that while I had a lot of external social factors figured out early on, I never really understood relationships myself growing up too well. In fact, it’s safe to say I still struggle with that a great deal. Which is one reason that studying to help out youth is so helpful to me as well.

Consider all the things that are being developed during adolescence. It’s a lot of firsts, and it can be a completely terrifying and crazy time. Teenagers start to develop real, deep relationships for the first time. In some cases, they are introduced to their first romances. They develop the skills to create real relationships that have meaning and structure, that are beyond simpler ones where in their younger years, they innocently played together. For the first time, they have peers that they can relate to on an emotional level, and share with them those unique perspectives.

I have *always* had the opinion that teenagers get written off way too easily, and that has always fueled my desire in part to be someone who gives them a listening ear for a change. Adults generally shrug off problems that teens have and either discount their issues (which, from their perspective, really aren’t that important) or just throw out platitudes like “You’ll grow out of it.” For someone going through that, at the time, making light of the situation just tells them that you are not someone they can discuss their feelings with. So, I try to listen, listen, listen, and hear what they are saying.

I’d like to say that I’m good at it, but unfortunately, I’ve seen myself doing the “adult” thing sometimes, and trying to jump straight to a lecture when someone tells me what they’re going through, or just thinking the whole “drama” is entertaining.

As adults, in retrospect, we think that the issues that youth are going through are trivial. And for adults, they are. But the problem for the youth is that this is the first time they’ve ever even had these types of issues.

What is it about growing up that makes us change so much? Yesterday I was at church, and I saw some little kid about four years old running through the halls having the time of his life. He would get stopped by some random elderly mother who would give him a pat, a hug, and a kind word. That’s your entire life when you’re a little kid. Having fun, running around, playing with toys, and everyone telling you how sweet and wonderful you are.

Then, as you transition into being a little older, people don’t constantly give you hugs. Instead, you start to look like an adult, so people treat you like one, whether you are emotionally prepared for that or not. Responsibilities are heaped upon you, procedures and details become more important as you gain emerging autonomy. Everything is just confusing.

Then there is the transition into adulthood as well. What purpose of life do teenagers have? Adolescence is a temporary lifestyle, and people do “grow out of it.” It seems to me in a lot of ways that the individualism that teenagers search for with such tenacity disappears as they enter school and the workforce and learn to conform to the status quo instead, and just disappear completely. What happened to those people who just a few years before, were so full of thoughts, and ideas, and dreams? Where do all those things disappear to? I think about that one a lot, in particular, because I, myself, have a bit of a Peter Pan complex, I suppose. As an adult, I’m just doing everything that I always wanted to as a teenager because now I have the means available. But in my perspective, I’m just trying to live my dreams that I’ve held on to all these years, and I don’t really see anything wrong with that. I’m happy following that path.

Teenagers just experience an interesting, unique time of life. They’ll never be the same way again. It’s a great time to really, have time, to explore life and it’s subtleties, and think about what it is they want to do. It can be pretty confusing as so many external factors suddenly become important socially and personally. It’s the time when lifelong perspectives and opinions can take seed. How could people discard and ignore those where when they are the most vulnerable and the most curious at the same time? That’s the kind of situations I want to work with, if only because I feel like I have an extreme level of sensitivity to what they are going through. It’s the chance to work with people before they’ve settled into their routines. It’s before they become bigots, poets, writers, workers, religious, biased, and whatever else you can think of. Fascinating time period, I think. Completely volatile and chaotic, but at the same time, it’s an awesome experience to talk with people who are still completely open minded and not settled in their ways.

Good times. That’s what I wanna work with.