steve's rules for counseling

I drew up this list the other day, as I was thinking about the principles I try to apply when working with people. I actually ran this buy a teenager, too, who said that it was “very cool.” So there.

As is when posting anything that covers the area of ideals, I hope I don’t sound like some snooty hoo-fo-froo. To me, these are just important ideals that I try my best to apply, and that’s it. I’m not making myself out to be some awesomer-than-thou poop tart.

Here we go:

• I will never argue with someone’s feelings. I can criticize reasoning and challenge expectations and decisions when invited to.
• Actions are signals of someone’s feelings. It’s acceptable to express emotions.
• I will respect other people’s decisions, opinions and schools of thought.
• I will warn people of consequences that could come from their decisions.
• I will not belittle people’s problems or situations. They are real to them.
• I will listen carefully and verify with the person that I understand what they are trying to say.
• I will tailor my approach to each individual, and not resort to a fixed set of methods if they are ineffective.
• I will invite the person to share things they are comfortable with and encourage them to share things that they feel uncomfortable discussing and have expressed a desire to share.
• I will never divulge personal details to anyone the person would not want me to.
• I promise to continue to expand my knowledge, obtain new perspectives, and improve my methods the best that I can.
• I will be honest with people, and plainly state when I don’t know something instead of trying to appeal to my vanity.
• I will ask for time to consider and prepare a response when necessary.
• I will invite others to criticize my methods so I can improve.
• I will warn people when I have a thought or suggestion that they would not like or makes them feel defensive.
• I will not try to manipulate someone’s emotions, or try to use their words against them.
• I will respect people’s boundaries.
• I will not attempt to create a dependent relationship with me.